I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This is the high leading the old right now
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
