I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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