he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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