He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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