conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
