It's Friday. Sex?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
