I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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