I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
