he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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