dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
