i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
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