toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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