i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
