Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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