found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
