mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
