You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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