I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
