we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Farmville is her only friend.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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