Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
