i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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