i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
