What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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