I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
