we have officially lost it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
