Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
