Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
