if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
