look no pants
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
