Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
