Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I love you.
Bad choice
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
