im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
