ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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