Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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