I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
