he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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