If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
