Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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