what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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