Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
