i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She even gives head with a lisp.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
