my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
