Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
