That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
