At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
