i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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