New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
