Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
