You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
