Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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